This is something i have been pondering the last few days. You would assume that the fatosphere would be a tight knit community where we are all friends and supporting each other, but is it really like that? or is it more like being back at school, where you are picked last to be on teams and the popular girls rule the roost. Bullies still exist, but they are people who you think should be your friend. Is it a world full of backstabbing, elitism, tension and rivalries?
Membership of the fatosphere arises from shared experiences, a sense of belonging and empathy, but this is somehow fragmented and not really there. My first example of this is the Simply Be Facebook page, recently they posted pictures of me and 4 other bloggers who all wore one of their dresses, the comments from other members of this page, who are presumably also plus size, were far from supportive and that of a community, instead they picked at the girls in the pictures, found flaws and projected their own insecurities, ended in over 120 comments of petty arguing between those of thought the dress was awful and those trying to defend the girls in the pictures. This is basic school ground behavior while everyone might not share the same views in the community, there should still be support from each other, we get enough abuse from people outside the community (this is evident in the recent Daily Mail article) that you would think we would try to be nice to each other, because we, over others, should understand how hurtful these comments are and the effect they can have on someones self confidence, because most of us at one point or another will have been on the receiving end of such comments. Is the problem just that girls can't play nice? We can't help ourselves but be mean, it is something in built in us? I know i am guilty of watching TV shows and making comments about peoples appearance, but these are comments that i would never dream say to someones face, it is the privacy of my own home, is this is the price to pay for putting yourself out their in the public domain? If this was true, again there should be a kind of sisterhood between us fatties, proud that there are people out there trying to change perceptions and showing that fat is fabulous, yet again this doesn't seem to exist.
Now onto the bloggers themselves because it could be argued these ladies on the Simply Be Facebook page aren't really part of the community, they are on the edges of the community looking in and the real community exists between those of us who blog, and while as a general the support is here, this isn't the problem in the community, the problem is that there is an inner circle of bloggers, and if you are not part of that, then you are not as worthy as a blogger, your contribution doesn't have as much value as these other ladies, this is where the idea of being back at school and being picked last, or the popular girls ruling the roost, if you aren't in with the power house bloggers, you will lead quite a lonely existence in the blogging world. Desperate to be accepted by the popular girls and trying everything to get noticed, but nothing works as only a select few make it through, these girls aren't horrible or nasty, which in a way makes it even worse, there is a sheen of perfection over it all, to the outside world we look like one big happy family, but come in close and you will see a bubbling undercurrent of elitism and people stepping over people to make it.
I would love to hear your views on this, do you think i am wrong? Or do you agree with me? Or do you have your own idea?
Personally I think that the women who comment in a negative way wether it's on Simply Be or Evans are simply customers. They might follow the page to see what's new and happening, but for me their mind doesn't work like a blogger. Most of us are happy with our bodies, and we dress like we want to. These women are simply not there yet, and seeing other women flaunting it so to speak is hard to accept.
ReplyDeleteWithin bloggers I think we are a pretty good community. It's normal not to get along with every body. The fact that we are plus size is not enough to become bff with everybody. ;)
I forgot to comment about the "inner circle" of bloggers. I am not sure if you had a bad experience or not, but if it's about bloggers that you see more often on Evans/Simply Be, you just have to understand that these companies want to make money like every other companies. They keep those bloggers because they've been doing it for a while and have a pretty large audience. I am not saying that shouldn't look around and work with others, but from a marketing/commercial point of view, I understand.
DeleteI'm of the same opinion as Val - fat does not make us all the same.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't mean we like the same things, and share the same opinions. It would be pretty boring if we did!
Instead, there are people you just don't 'get'. But ultimately, I don't think we're as competitive as other blogging circles. I think we're pretty welcoming of newcomers, and I for one know I offer support and help to any new names I see or come across. More to be a friendly face, than a voice of experience. With just one year under my belt, I'm still as new as someone starting today, when looking at the longevity of some of the fatshion bloggers out there!!
If this is what you're experiencing, then I am sorry to read that, but I think it's part of life - some people are happy to be ruthless to get to where they want to be, and others are happy with the status quo.
I'm happy with my status quo, and will plod along here quite happily thank you!
K xx
This is a well thought out post.
ReplyDeleteI learned to my cost quite early on in the FA community on MySpace years ago that there was little in the way of sisterhood and quite a lot of cliques. It did surprise me at the time, as I felt there *should* be some kind of kinship, but perhaps I was idealistic to expect that. Now I don't expect any sense of sisterhood within the community, but when it comes it's a lovely bonus. Sadly, the kind of thing which happened on the Simply Be page to you five ladies (and previously to Hanna) doesn't surprise me, but it does sadden me. There are always people who like to bring others down, and they exist in all walks of life, even the fatosphere. As a 'minority' group we might expect things to be different, but they're not.
I do see an element of ambition at all cost from certain bloggers. Ambition in itself isn't a bad thing, but when it comes ruthlessly or with a view to get to the 'top' above all I find it quite ugly.
I did used to concern myself with blogger cliques, but now I think that time could be best put towards improving my blog, rather than worrying about what other people have got going on. Some people are always going to be more popular than others, be that due to the way they look, the disposable income they have to spend on items to review, the amount of free time they have to blog or the sheer amount of work they put into making connections and - dare I say it - engaging with and flattering brands. I think as long as we put our all into our own blogs, we have to let others do what they will. xx
Just me Leah
Women judge other women as a hobby. God knows I can be a bitch when I'm looking at red carpet pics etc! Val hit the nail on the head in saying that women who don't like thier bodies can't deal with fatties who wear whatever the fuck they want. People on the simply be pages aren't nessecarily plus sized, and I understand why they would be freaked out by big fat bodies because I'm freaked out by extreamly skinny bodies, it works both ways!
ReplyDeleteClique-wise you shouldn't worry about other bloggers. Just do your thing. Its lovely to chat and get feedback but your doing the blog for you right? If you want to turn it into a career then thats another matter....
I have to say Simply Be facebook page did me one favour, it meant i found your blog which i have been loving!
ReplyDeleteFor the dress in question it wasn't a matter of what it looked like on other people it wasn't my thing or style which i said on there.
But as for some of the comment on there they were really bad and i was surprised that simplybe themselves didnt say anything
Sarah
I'm quite new to this whole blogging game and so far been impressed with the people I have come across, pretty much all of them being other bloggers but as far as all us '#psbloggers' being lumped together in some kind of group purely because we are all overweight, I disagree with.
ReplyDeleteThat may be what it boils to ultimately (shared interest in fashion that has to be plus sized etc) but I don't really want to be part of a group, just because I'm fat and although I hated to see you and the other girls being patronised and spoken about so awfully (and I did comment on the post), I wouldn't expect any more support and/or general friendship from them, any more than I would anybody else.
Yes, we can all empathise with being bullied because of what we look like, what we choose to wear etc etc but being on the receiving end of shitty remarks and sarcasm doesn't just exist within the 'fatosphere' as you call it. I don't think it's to do with 'sticking together' any more than it is just basic common courtesy, which some people so clearly lack.
A lot of plus size women, plenty of whom will be customers of Simply Be don't want to be part of that community. They are on a constant diet and resent themselves for being the way they are; just like I was not so long ago. Not only do they resent themselves, they resent that fact that other people, who look like them, are in some way actually enjoying themselves and perhaps even relishing in the one feature they both share in common but that they hate; it's like they want their 'fatness' to be a passing phase and don't like to see others making it into something 'real', if that makes any sense? They want to hide their bodies, and when they see other people actively not hiding theirs, it doesn't sit right.
Sorry, also just following on from what Sarah said above: I was actually a bit disgusted with the way Simply Be treated it, or didn't. They didn't know how any of you may react to what was being said on there, they used pics that didn't belong to them as free advertising on their page without your permission and then sat back as the whole thing unfolded. I think it was seriously irresponsible of them.
ReplyDelete