This is something I have been thinking about recently. From
a young age I have never been that keen on getting married, I hate the idea of
a big puffy white dress, people staring at me, and why am I paying for them to
eat? If I ever did get married I can see myself just sloping off to Vegas with
no fuss. Why do I feel this way?
My mother installed in me that I didn’t need a man, she has
made me a strong independent women *clicks fingers* she even gave me a few of
her diamond rings so that I wouldn’t ever need a man to buy me one. I don’t
come from a broken home, my parents married a year before I was born. So I don’t
get this view from my home life. However my mother has been married twice
before but she doesn’t talk about it and seen my older sister’s marriage collapse
when I was 13, but that is because he acted unreasonable but even then they
only divorced last year.
I don’t know if it is
possible to be with one person forever. I know those of you that have found
your true love or soul mate will be staring at the screen, mouth wide open in disbelief
at that statement. But it is true for me. I think we have many ‘the ones’ if
that is what you want to call them. I am 25 now and have been with my boyfriend
for nearly 2 years, I love him, yes I can see myself being with him for a few
years yet, but marriage, I don’t know. I look back to the guy I was madly in
love with at 14 and 16, I thought we were going to be together forever and when
we broke up I cried for days and claimed my life was over, clearly it wasn’t,
eventually I picked myself up and realised life goes on and this was just an experience,
and hopefully one I could learn from.
The guys I dated in my late teens would repulse me now, they
lack everything I look for in a partner, because I have changed as a person,
and so have they. So if I wouldn’t date the guys I dated then, surely that
could apply to my current boyfriend in a few years?
Changing and evolving as a person is a natural thing, you
will both do it, and you will not essentially evolve together. It doesn’t mean
you don’t love each other, it just means you have grown apart and now need
different things from a relationship and your current partner can’t offer that.
I believe that throughout life you will need something different from a partner
as you evolve as a person.
I look at my life now, I am a PhD student, I have 3 years to
go until I finish. I have chosen to be a ‘career bitch’. When I get to the end I
will be looking for a doctoral teaching job, in the UK there are only a handful
of unis that I would actually want to work for, I come from a CCT school of
thought and there are only a few other schools like this in the UK, meaning it
will be very likely I will leave the UK for my job, and that excites me, I want
to travel and see the world, but how can me and my current boyfriend make that
work? He has his career and his own ambitions, why should one of those sacrifice
that for the other.
I currently joke with my boyfriend that we need to get
married before I finish my PhD as once I graduate I can’t change my surname,
yes it is 2013 but women in academia have to keep the same surname they
graduated with and first published with, but I actually like my surname and don’t
see a great need to change it.
This is in no way me bashing marriage, I can see myself
getting married one day, but I don’t think I will ever be able to fully say and
mean til death do us part, when I really mean, until I stop getting what I need
from you and find someone else who meets my needs better.
